I'm a muslim just like you...but each of us has different views...

You ask me why I didn't put my religion of my FB...you ask me am I ashamed of my religion....and i would say it's not for you to judge...coz between me and God...though I might not be the pious type...I did believe Allah exist...and I certainly knows Allah is the most merciful...but knowing that even being Muslim.. people still killing their brothers, abusing the law and make them ridiculous, act holier than thou in the name of god when everybody knows they are liars... Islam has become another mainstraim religion like the others. i believe Allah give me brain to think...although i did not utilize it well..coz sometimes I act shameless, unscared of the almighty...coz to err is human and to forgive is God.....i have darker side of me that I'm aware of it's existence...and I keep questioning myself when would I get the light? When would I get to believe without having a doubt...coz being hypocrite and follow the masses is easy...it makes your life easier....although your heart knows how messed up it is to wake up knowing that you have to lie as if you understand everything though you don't...i still keep asking why? and some religious people says that too much questioning is the root of the devil just like the israel nation used to keep questioning Moses why for everything. But if you don't understand it,how can you start believing???
So if being rebellious and deny the rules imposed on me cost me a banishment from society..so be it....coz I know deep inside I'm a muslim, i utter the syahadah....and Allah knows that...I still looking for the light...though I know I'm the lucky one coz I was born a Muslim...but the Nurr...didn't come handy in a package when I was born....I know too much but I understand too little..and everyone is so keen to judge, some look forward to give lectures....but few try to understand and able to erase the doubt I have in mind...coz being a muslim doesn't stop you from being a moron...but you can easily use religion as the barricade to save you from acting like a mindless jerk....I know there is more to life than this...but i still can't find my peace...so can you please for a while be a good muslim and stop judging me....coz that's not what a good muslim does to the lost soul...good muslim empathize with them and try as best as they could to show good moral behaviour and persuade people that Islam is the most beautiful thing...so disillusion people like me will start believing again...tq...