I've been abandoning this blog for a while....i don't know why...perhaps lately I'm more focused of personal things so I tend to write in my other blog...or perhaps..I realise that...I'm not mature enough to talk about certain issues...or I simply don't have enough patience to entertain bullshit from other people...because of my remarks...somewhere along the line...there are people that are actually butthurted because of my comment although i have no intention to focus on them....as if i care about their life...as much as they care to read about my blog and later verbally attacking me...
I've been having the time of my life now....I always wanted to be a political analyst or the trade analyst...and my graduate studies allow me to do just that...I always make sure i take no sides, and try to be as natural as possible...but sometimes due to the personal bias, and my limitation of in depth knowledge of certain issues, it's kinda hard to be reasonable....I am in the process of rationalising my thought and gain as much knowledge as I can before commenting on certain issues...the last thing I want...is to produce shallow argument...so that's the reason why I temporary stop writing in this blog...
As a government servant myself, I can't help but to be loyal to the government...since I've made an oath "saya yang menurut perintah". Although there are weaknesses in the system, but to fully condemn the whole system as corrupt is absurd or irrelevant...that's why I tend to be defensive when people start condemning the civil servants...life as a civil servant is not only about bonuses and the easiness of getting a loan...we are facing shitty things too...life is not a bed of roses..among the civil servants themselves, there are always good fruits and rotten fruits...nobody is perfect...
I believe, there is no such things as bad policy, it's always the matter of implementation...it's important for you not to rely or to be dependent on others. You have to take the initiative to sort things out so that it's easier for to work in any type of environment. I do whine a lot from time to time, since I am a human. Of course I would complain when I'm being overworked by my superior...but aside from whining...I do learn a valuable lesson from it....you can whine all you want...but things will never change unless you change the way you look at things.
Life is unfair, the sooner we accept it, the better. The sooner you adjust with your current situation, the better. Sometimes, i do find things as burdensome that I complaint about it...but later, learning things the hard way...I become more appreciative and thankful because I manage to go through and overcome the challenges thrown my way..avoiding and running away from the problem won't help solving it...
Looking back, working as a civil servant somehow help refining my characters. I do have my weaknesses. Sometimes I act so shallow, sometimes i do think like a bimbo, I am selfish in nature, and my way of thinking are somewhat retarded, and I am so tactless in my words...
I still have this characteristics in me until now, but the nature of my work, the code of conduct that i have to follow has somehow restrain this dark side of me from coming out...although most of the times, it manages to seeped out from the shell....but then again, worse come to worse...we always have to remember...respect others in order to be respected....apologise when you did wrong...or when you don't agree with something, instead of telling them straight to their face about your dissatisfaction, always be diplomatic about it...
There are times, when someone or something can be so annoying, I am myself an annoying person. But understanding their nature, and why they act certain way, we can be more acceptance towards other people. People are varied, and that's what makes life more interesting.....we all have our part to play, and our values, the way we look at things, our defence mechanism might differ from each other...but we do have our common goal....and being a civil servant help me understand...life is not always black and white. People will talk behind your back, will stab you at the back, will make you the scapegoat, will dump all the shits on you...but once we stop having the victim mentality, we can see...these trivial things, in the long run...they don't matter....what matter is, how you as a person overcome things like these.
