it's been a long time....

I've been abandoning this blog for a while....i don't know why...perhaps lately I'm more focused of personal things so I tend to write in my other blog...or perhaps..I realise that...I'm not mature enough to talk about certain issues...or I simply don't have enough patience to entertain bullshit from other people...because of my remarks...somewhere along the line...there are people that are actually butthurted because of my comment although i have no intention to focus on them....as if i care about their life...as much as they care to read about my blog and later verbally attacking me...
I've been having the time of my life now....I always wanted to be a political analyst or the trade analyst...and my graduate studies allow me to do just that...I always make sure i take no sides, and try to be as natural as possible...but sometimes due to the personal bias, and my limitation of in depth knowledge of certain issues, it's kinda hard to be reasonable....I am in the process of rationalising my thought and gain as much knowledge as I can before commenting on certain issues...the last thing I want...is to produce shallow argument...so that's the reason why I temporary stop writing in this blog...
As a government servant myself, I can't help but to be loyal to the government...since I've made an oath "saya yang menurut perintah". Although there are weaknesses in the system, but to fully condemn the whole system as corrupt is absurd or irrelevant...that's why I tend to be defensive when people start condemning the civil servants...life as a civil servant is not only about bonuses and the easiness of getting a loan...we are facing shitty things too...life is not a bed of roses..among the civil servants themselves, there are always good fruits and rotten fruits...nobody is perfect...
I believe, there is no such things as bad policy, it's always the matter of implementation...it's important for you not to rely or to be dependent on others. You have to take the initiative to sort things out so that it's easier for to work in any type of environment. I do whine a lot from time to time, since I am a human. Of course I would complain when I'm being overworked by my superior...but aside from whining...I do learn a valuable lesson from it....you can whine all you want...but things will never change unless you change the way you look at things.
Life is unfair, the sooner we accept it, the better. The sooner you adjust with your current situation, the better. Sometimes, i do find things as burdensome that I complaint about it...but later, learning things the hard way...I become more appreciative and thankful because I manage to go through and overcome the challenges thrown my way..avoiding and running away from the problem won't help solving it...
Looking back, working as a civil servant somehow help refining my characters. I do have my weaknesses.  Sometimes I act so shallow, sometimes i do think like a bimbo, I am selfish in nature, and my way of thinking are somewhat retarded, and I am so tactless in my words...
I still have this characteristics in me until now, but the nature of my work, the code of conduct that i have to follow has somehow restrain this dark side of me from coming out...although most of the times, it manages to seeped out from the shell....but then again, worse come to worse...we always have to remember...respect others in order to be respected....apologise when you did wrong...or when you don't agree with something, instead of telling them straight to their face about your dissatisfaction, always be diplomatic about it...
There are times, when someone or something can be so annoying, I am myself an annoying person. But understanding their nature, and why they act certain way, we can be more acceptance towards other people.  People are varied, and that's what makes life more interesting.....we all have our part to play, and our values, the way we look at things, our defence mechanism might differ from each other...but we do have our common goal....and being a civil servant help me understand...life is not always black and white. People will talk behind your back, will stab you at the back, will make you the scapegoat, will dump all the shits on you...but once we stop having the victim mentality, we can see...these trivial things, in the long run...they don't matter....what matter is, how you as a person overcome things like these.

a conversation exchange wit foreign friend about my country...Malaysia.......

Foreign friend: I watched the news on tv....something about the protest...in your country...you join?

me: nope.

Foreign friend: Why, I thought they fight for freedom....just like what happen in Egypt...you know the Arab Spring

me: I don't think so...it's more like occupy wall street....

Foreign friend: No offence...but I heard they treat homosexual badly. That's not cool....

me: hahaha...you are one to talk....what if Obama is gay?

Foreign friend: well, apparently he's not...

me: I don't know much about leader...but the last time some people brought up the issue that he is a muslim...the whole nation goes crazy....it's so bad that the conspiracy theorist even claim that obama is terrorist friendly....

Foreign friend: but terrorist is bad...being a homo doesn't hurt anyone....

me: it's a matter of perception...Obama being muslim doesn't hurt anyone...and a muslim does not make a terrorist...so why the hassle over something irrelevant?

Foreign friend: But Obama wasn't being punished by the law...heard that one of your country's opposition leader is indicted for being gay...go on trial because he is a homo...it is absurd....

me: for your information, he is not charged for being gay...he's charged for sodomy....sodomy is a crime so the charge is legit...however he was acquitted....so he is a free man at the moment we speak...speaking of gay...I never heard anything about any of your politician openly being gay...

Foreign friend: there are lots of them...but people don't bother much....

me: between gay, black and woman....which one would you choose to be the president?

Foreign friend: it's anybody's game...as long as they knew what they are doing..so are you homophobic?

me: I've got lots of homo friends....although I'm not very fond of the same sex relationship....but what they are doing between the four walls is none of my concern....

Foreign friend: so about the protest...since you mention about wall street...what happen to your country? Is it the same with what happen to Greece?

me: to be sure...i don't know whether my country will walk down the same path with Greece...but the demand from the citizen itself...probably might lead us to the same path...

Foreign friend: why?

me: For example, they want the tertiary education to be free...

Foreign friend: there's nothing wrong with that...so what's wrong?

me: private university will close their business...and only the gifted will be given a chance to enter the University.....the country is not able to support just about anyone....so the requirement to enter the university will be even stricter than before...

Foreign friend: Ain't it a good thing? so later only the gifted can enter the university...

me: but by doing so, won't we deny the other non excellent's right to study at the tertiary level...they deserve the second chance...but the money won't be enough to support everyone...

Foreign friend: so you think they should pay for their tertiary level....

me: education for elementary school and high school are already given for free for the younger generation...been wanting the same privilege after going to the University is absurd....purely selfish...i don't think it's a good idea...back in those days when studying at tertiary level was more like an option than a must...it's more like exclusivity only certain people gifted enough to receive...people pay a high price for it...therefore the product from the tertiary level in those days were able to excel far better than the product produced today...nowadays...study in tertiary level is a must and almost 70 % high school leaver further their study upwards.... the exclusivity is already gone...we have private university for those who willing to pay for overpriced education....and public university with a loan provided....to demolish all these and hit the reset button....it's craziness....to make it free for everyone...it's utter bollocks.... just look at Saudi Arabia....the youngsters were given fund and financial support to further their study...end up loitering and wasting their time doing nothing...not because there is a higher case of unemployment...but the fact they get things easy....why work for the job with the meager salary when you can get much more just sitting at home and wait for the royalty check from the government that coming from the oil....as the consequence.....the workforce in their country are mostly dominated by the foreign worker....talking about brain drain and stuff...it's the perfect example of soon to be depleted country...Malaysia is going towards this direction....little by little....the citizens start to argue why they didn't get royalty from the selling of the oil...but they don't see those royalty goes in the form of subsidy....so receiving too much when they do so little...i think it is injustice to the country and the next generation itself....

Foreign friend: Hmm...about the protest, do they also fight for freedom of speech and freedom mind?...

me: partially....but i can assure you...that's not the case...from my POV...it's all comes down to money...the greed, the corruption...the Malaysian are just mad...because the government doesn't want to share with them,... they suspected the government is busy squeezing every penny....and rob them blind...

Foreign friend: But they say the political arena in your country is immature compare to other country like Indonesia...they keep changing ruler.

me: It might be a bit immature...but what justify maturity?....if you keep changing leader just like Indonesia or the USA itself...does it change much? a new leader...a new policy...take 4 years..the policy is still half-cooked...the leader change...the damage is done...the baggage is placed on the new leader to take over...another carpet installed to sweep the dirt under....go on and on and on...it's like a vicious cycle that can't be stopped....so why take the risk....and talking about political maturity....Singapore has it worse...the opposition in Malaysia is way luckier than the opposition in Singapore.... at least their voice are heard loud enough...they can use their own media without being restricted....look at the Singapore....i mean, does the opposition ever exist? does that mean the ruler party is very good that the opposition has nothing to protest about? lame isn't it.....they have as much the skeleton in the closet as any other politician in the world....the difference is...they legalize it so it wouldn't be wrong....they are good at judging and sizing up things...even their neighbors' policies...but refuse to look in the mirror once in a while....

Foreign friend: So is it true your country does lead to bankruptcy...?

me: It's funny to think that the country with oil will bankrupt any sooner than 100 years unless it is a case of poor management....

Foreign friend: so you say they are protesting about how the country is poorly managed...

me: it should be...

Foreign friend: it's a good thing, why don't you join them?

me: I just don't think wasting my time shouting when no one is listening is a great idea...just look what had happened at Tahrir square....it reaches the never ending polemic...who wins in the end?....the youth in revolt...or just another scumbag opposition politician...it sucks when young minds are being used as a political pawn....having both seen the side of the ruler and the opposition....i find even if I take part in the protest...nothing good will come of it...just like you that have to choose between republican and democrat....it's a never ending story...whoever wins...the citizen will be the loser...

Foreign friend: but at least they are doing something, so what is wrong with that...?

me: romanticism of justice is beautiful ideally...but it must have a long term planning and executed thoroughly....this protest is so random that I don't think those who start it has any idea what to do next, they just appeal to the masses responses and moving from there....the next big question is if this protest a success, what's next?

Foreign friend: You have oil, so your country will be okay...let's the youth experiment a bit....

me: yeah...hahaha....unless your president decides to invade us.....you guys are suckers for oil...

Foreign friend: Ouch...that hurt....hahahaha....we are not that bad.....

me: no offence, but i'm getting tired of this Al-Qaeda thingy.....I thought with Osama's death....thing will resolve itself....but it's highly unlikely....now i heard USA is launching a drone strike to Yemen...in search for the Al-Qaeda....how much longer will this go on?

Foreign friend: Is that so? I have no idea....it's a news to me....

me: I watched Al-Jazeera last night....

Foreign friend: you believe that crap?

me: You believe the real Al-Qaeda exist?

Foreign friend: Who knows...

me: Yeah...who knows..... OK got to go....talk to you later...gotta watch the idiot box....my favorite series is about to start.

Foreign friend: Chiaw...

me: Chiaw...

what does internet think about our leader???

While websurfing...I stumble across this website http://www.whatdoestheinternetthink.net/....this website enable you to ask questions just in case you are wondering about something...and it will give you the result by telling you whether the subject is popular or likable based on the hit that they find on the internet...so i begin to insert our political figure one by one....guess what....below are my findings...
there are two political figures whom are very likable in Malaysia...one is retired from the arena...and the other one...i have no idea when is he going to retire...here i give you my findings....Tun Mahathir and Karpal Singh share their throne as people's favorite....

our ex PM is still People's favorite so far

Karpal singh is not bad either

Following their step is

Quite good for a new blood

Next in line is our beloved PM...

People still trust him i suppose

The DAP leader is one step under the PM

surprisingly Lim Guan Eng get more love than him

followed by khairy jamaludin...the new blood in UMNO

for a new blood..hmm not bad...

and this make me laugh a little bit....I thought this person would certainly get 100% love from the people....but  not this time I guess....

Guess Anuar has to work extra harder since people are starting to doubt him even more....

Last but not least...the two PAS leader... apparently doesn't make enough impression from the people...I try to type and retype their name using different version, their full name, their nick name...their position....unfortunately i can't get even one hit.....so Tok Guru and Ustaz Hadi...doesn't even make to the list...better luck next time.....i guess

Well this is just for fun....it has no credential whatsoever....but it nice to see...how Internet think of our political leader...at least...on the Internet...we do know where these people stand.....

tengok diri di cermin....dan fikir...

sape yg knal aku mase skolah aku tau la perangai sewel aku dulu yg xsemenggah dan hampeh...tp masuk je U..aku terus sedar diri...pe lagi yg jd penjamin biasiswa aku dua2 pakcik sendiri....ade anak bini..sebab xnk life diorg screwed up pasal aku...aku pun control perangai aku...bukan sket klu nk byr balik if tetibe aku langgar kontrak...family aku bukan orang kaya...lagipun aku tau aku belajar guna duit rakyat...nih bile dh kerja...walaupun ramai orang xpercaya budak cam aku bley jd cikgu....walaupun aku bising2...n xpuas ati dgn orang atasan...aku tetap wat kerja mcm biase...xde terpikir kat vandalized bilik guru ke, bilik gb ke...cos sgt ximmature.....n sgt bodo...bg aku la...ko nak bising satu dunia pun...tu hak ko...janji tanggungjawab ko...ko mesti laksanakan...kalau belajar...prioriti ko belajar...itu amanah yg ko kena pikul dgn duit rakyat yg ko makan...klu kerja, ko kerja betul2...so kalau ko xjalankan amanah, ko pun same corrupt gak...jd layak ke ko nak tuduh orang lain corrupt bila ko sendri corrupt????nih aku bising2 pasal org atasan neh....macam lah bley mengubah keadaan...nk x nk..kite yg kena ubah diri kita....dunia xberputar di sekeliling kita...

nape budak blajar oversea bley berpolitik tp kita xbley?

this is what we called loophole...and UMNO is good at manipulating it coz kat obersea...government diorg xde akta AUKU...akta AUKU cume digunapakai dalam negara je..untuk IPTA dan IPTS dibawah kementerian pengajian tinggi di Malaysia...so tu yg menteri dok sebok2 g sane..g sini....xbley wat kat malaysia la katekan...plus everybody knows..they are d elites...balik sini xdak kerja cikai2 dah...serap masuk ke pemandu la, penggerak la..pekida la...hoho..lawak je...starting gaji je dh puluhan ribu...golongan marhain mcm kite neh...xdak chance la...bla bla bla..anak2 VIP la katekan..hohoho...tp bukan UMNO je yg wat camneh...the opposition pun same....cume care lain2....umno gune duit...pembangkang gune idealism..heavenism..and...equalitism..which are full of shits juga...so xbley la nk kutuk ameno je kan...pembangkang pun sama level je...bak kate my recently retired government servant aunt....corruption bukan dalam bentuk duit je...tp ability to abuse your influence and power for self benefit....so as a conclusion...nk freedom for politics.....jom blajar kt oversea...shit...too late for me....result spm xdpt straight A's....and demn...mak bapak aku xkaya, xmampu nk fund aku blajar oversea.....sigh....
but then again...politik time belajar xpenting dowh...aku de dua sijil perwakilan pelajar...xmembantu karier aku langsung....last2 dok perap dlm file jer.....dulu sebelum dpt jawatan.aku penuh dgn idealism...lepas dpt....huh.....tipu rrr klu aku xabuse akunyer position dulu kan....cheh...mcm penting je jawatan aku....tp dpt la tampung sponsor certain2 event yg batch aku anjurkan dulu....tu blom ag bab nk tolong member or orang atasan bg contract supply brg2...see...when you have power...it's easy to be corrupted....cam mase jd class rep....diri sendri ponteng huhuhu...tp tulis datang gak...hohohoho....so skang neh...klu orang suh aku bg satu juta pun aku xnk dah masuk politik..sumpah aku serik.....makan sumpah seranah orang je beb....blom masuk ag bab kena fitnah....taubat dah aku xnk....aku lebih bahagia jd orang biasa...dah banyak dosa dah...xmau dh nk tambah2 ag....i learnt my lesson d hard way....
Kesimpulannya....kite kdg2 rasa kita layak untuk berpolitik...kita layak jadi ketua....tp sebenarnya....semua tu indah khabar dari rupa....better blajar je la pandai2...kuasai ekonomi macam millionairre2 kat Malaysia nih...n tlg la rakyat ape yg patut..ko nk corrupt...tu urusan ko dgn tuhan...tp ko mesti bg balik pada rakyat...rajin2 baca buku ekonomi walaupun ko xamik course nih mase belajar dulu....jgn jd mcm pakcik ananda...sume bende conquer..dari TV ke kapal terbang .pastu lepak duk LA....bangsa sendri masih ramai merempat tepi jalan...hmmm...lgpun the want who control the world is never a politician...money talks....huh...cube tgk mcm mesir...time kaye raye...sume rakyat ok je...tp bile dah miskin..kerja xde..harga cukai naik...start la demo nk tumbangkan kerajaan....

Don't blame me...blame my illiteracy in Ganu slang.....it's the reason I act like a bimbo...

Semua orang duk pung pang psl ustaz idrus..ustaz best la...ustaz rock la,,sampai zizan yg gedik duk menghimpit aweks mix tu pun suke die la....aku pun bukak le video die...n surrender....seyes...aku nih bodo....dua taung duduk kuantan...and ade best friend org ganu ag...tp aku dok paha pe mende die cakak...seyes....so maafkan aku...wahai rakan2..bukan aku xsuke...tp aku bodo bahasa ganu....sedo dighi hine dine.....dari 10 die cakak...paha nye...due tige je...xpo la....aku tgk ustazah semanis kurma dgn ustaz don je lah...at least aku faham bahasa mereka....hahaha...eleh jgn nk kutuk aku lebey2... korang pun kalau maher zain xkuar lagu melayu...xnk nk beli album kan...kan...kan....macam jiran sebelah umah aku dulu...bukak lagu insyaallah punye kuat...makne habuk xtau....dengar part insya-allah je....bile versi melayu keluar...barulah die dgn anak2nye nyanyi satu lagu....huishh...jahat sungguh mulut aku....so ustaz derus...sempena tahun baru nih...selain goreng gitar...pe kate ustaz diversify sket...guna bahasa universal sket...supaya orang bodoh loghat pantai timur mcm saye ni...buley paha ceramah ustaz...ustaz kan rock...musti paham kan......