I thought my day as the fixer is over...but when it comes to working environment...the fixing part has come to revisit me...just like a deja vu...I always have the preconception that the adults should be more mature in thinking and judging...but how wrong I am....the same shit happens regardless your age...
The typical mindset of looking for someone to point fingers to, to dump all the responsibility to so as to make their own life easier, the lack of interest of getting things done.....it's the same old craps that I found back in the Uni days....but at this age....it is...capital UGLY.....
Since i like to observe how things done before i get into the picture....I find many things that amuse me..and to see the aged people acting childishly is WOW.....i'm so speechless....and I flashback to back when I started working, i screwed thing up badly....my register book is a total mess, I'm not good at preparing program booklet, n i left my SBPT list unattended until the last minute...to tell the truth I fake the data for the SBOA...damn...i do feel bad...i don't know whether it is due to lack of motivation or I"m just purely busy..but when i get the chance..i attend to it one at a time....it's really freaking difficult...for a lazy ass like me...i wish documents n data never exist....
When it comes to fixing things..n getting things done...I'm natural...i adapt easily..I just love to have everything under control...And I am clueless as to why this habit of fixing things sticks with me..I just hate to see the carefully laid plan screwed up if it could be improved...it's a shame....though I myself is a screwed up case. When people pop me with the question...don't u feel used? why do you put up wit it? i lost for words...coz i'm not seeing myself as a victim...i do have a time when i just throw everything...i do have the lazy spell....but there are times that i just want to work it...to make things possible..to patch the hole on the sinking boat....it's not easy but it's worth it...i do not see myself as a reliable person...but trying my best doesn't hurt...it just me to have a back up....it's not like i'm trying to impress people...i just happen to think quicker...
and how do i learn all these...through experience...n u just know what to expect from people that u work with...utilize their strength n minimize their craps....I'm happy to work with an asshole if he can do his job well, and i won't be frustrated if my partner is a lay backer to the core....that's why professionally I hardly feel frustrated whomever is my working partner...coz I'm the type who would choose my enemy over my friend if it help completed the work....I don't think it's a hypocrisy...i call it surviving...coz in the end...if things blown to pieces...u are to blame...coz you don't work it enough to succeed it...
There are times that I blew it..things that i just couldn't control....just like when the UPSR result for English came out...though it's only decreasing by a mere 7%...it is still going down...those percentages came from my student...I talked to myself..."it's shit Amy..it is your fault..."although people around me trying to make me feel better...it doesn't work...coz it's beyond my control...and I'm out of my comfort zone...therefore I lost the confidence....
and now, thanks to the "trying to fix things up to make it easier", i've become a JU...another field i'm not familiar with...i am agitating...it's hard to be in control of the things you are not familiar with...i know this stuff will take it's toll on me sooner or later...but it's a shame to turn a blind eye from something within your power to fix...n i hope people will get me when they see me doing something that shouldn't be mine to deal with at the first place...unlike other people....it just so not my style seeing other people screwed up and not do anything about it....
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